A dilemma..

Decisions involving people you love are always the hardest to make. I'm having trouble with such a decision myself right now.

I've written something about someone I love, something personal. Not about how I feel about this person so much, but about an illness that has changed my life, his life, our relationship, my view of the world, of life and death. I've never written anything this difficult, I broke down twice during the writing, but it was cathartic. And it was written from very deep within me.

I shared the piece with a few people, including a professor -- a professor who thinks it's publishable material. But...I haven't shared it with this person I love. And I'm not sure I want to. Not because it says anything intentionally hurtful. But because it unearths some uncomfortable truths about how this illness and its treatment has made me feel (although it does end on a positive note). And I'm...almost scared about how he'll react. And yet.. I can't even begin to think about publishing without telling him..showing him...first.

But is it worth it? Is it worth maybe upsetting him and making things between us worse? Or is it worth taking the chance to see if a view into my heart will help him understand me better? And most of all, is all of it worth it to see my work acknowledged? I know this is a piece I can be proud of... one of the few that I don't feel tentative about (all writers have self-doubt otherwise). Or is it worth keeping it private because publishing could feel like an invasion?

Sigh, I don't know yet what I'm going to do. But, a word of advice: don't ever write anything really personal if you care about people's feelings. It's a very awkward position to be in.